Las Vegas veteran Rita Rudner has a bit where she makes fun of her husband for having a fake disease called “left.” Everything on his left side hurts. Her solution is to give him “right,” which is administered with a baseball bat. Night after desert night, the audience laughs and laughs. I heard this bit when I was a teenager. I did not laugh. I thought, “You are not alone, Mr. Rita Rudner.”
Left is real. I am having an episode right now. My left side hurts from my mid-back to my mid-calf, this has happened on and off for years, and I know he’s not wrong. Left is cured by Advil and probably by having a body that’s not terminally lopsided. So, all of you symmetrical people, think about that before you start making fun of us lopsies. The very least you could do would be to buy us a really nice ergonomic pillow or maybe a few acupuncture sessions. Don’t mock. Instead, lean gently sideways and whisper words of love in our slightly upturned ear.